Military Anecdotes

[JontheGeekGuy]

I haven't seen this yet, but I always get a good laugh oiut of these. I'll start with Muphy's Law of Combat.... You may have seen some of these when you die during the CoD 4 campaign

MURPHY’S LAWS OF COMBAT
1. You are not a superman.
2. If it’s stupid but works, it’s not stupid.
3. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire.
4. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
6. Remember: Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
7. If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.
8. No plan survives the first contact intact.
9. All 5-second grenade fuses will burn out in 3.
10. Try to look unimportant. The enemy may be low on ammo.
11. If you are forward of your position the artillery will always fall short.
12. The important things are always simple.
13. The simple things are always hard.
14. The easy way is always mined.
15. If you are short of everything except enemy, you’re in combat.
16. When you have secured an objective, don’t forget to let the enemy know about it.
17. Incoming fire has the right of way.
18. If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.
19. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
20. Beer math: 2 beers X 37 men = 49 cases.
21. Body count math: 2 guerillas + 1 portable + 2 pigs = 37 enemy KIA.
22. Things that must be together to work usually can’t be shipped together.
23. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.
24. Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.
25. Tracers work both ways.
26. The only thing more accurate than incoming fire is incoming friendly fire.
27. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can’t get out.
28. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
29. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
30. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
31. Murphy was a grunt.

[turkey head war]

'I divide my officers into four classes; the clever, the lazy, the industrious, and the stupid. Each officer possesses at least two of these qualities. Those who are clever and industrious are fitted for the highest staff appointments. Use can be made of those who are stupid and lazy. The man who is clever and lazy however is for the very highest command; he has the temperament and nerves to deal with all situations. But whoever is stupid and industrious is a menace and must be removed immediately!'

Here are a few AF/navy ones....

"Don't draw enemy fire; it irritates the people around you."

"Any ship can be a minesweeper once."


"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." -- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

Blue water Navy truism: "There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."

From an old carrier sailor: "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if ATC screws up . . . the pilot dies."

"Never trade luck for skill."

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" And "Oh S...!"

"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to complete the flight successfully."

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"


"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."


"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible." -- Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." -- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance


"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?" The pilot's reply, "I don't know, I just got here myself!" -- attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
- US Air Force Manual

[M4 Gh0st]

9. All 5-second grenade fuses will burn out in 3.

Remember.

[THE RIOT]

A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive

[poseyfan28]

hahaha! number 9 is so true!

[THE RIOT]

This is probably the best one ive heard and its so friggin true

"Success occurs when no one is watching, failure occurs when the General is watching."

[poseyfan28]

^hahaha

[JontheGeekGuy]

Even though this actually happened, I still think it's hillarious and should be shared.

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations October 10, 1995.
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMER- OUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call!